Shut Up Iris

Abraham Lincoln

President Lincoln, the man who practically invented the Republican Party, a progressive thinker that believed that the constitution of the United States applied to all her people no matter what their race or social background happened to be. A man who rightfully believed that slavery in a state founded on the dedication to liberty was just silly. More importantly, he believed that the United States was a union worth fighting and dying for, so I'm sure he'd be happy as a pig in shit to see that today, his Republican party leads the country in approving of secession, and watch Republican Governors talk openly about secession.



I'm sure that Lincoln would be proud that his party was now a racist conglomeration of wealthy honkies and mostly southerners at that. The 'Big Tent' that Lincoln tried to put up, is now filled with clowns, and not the funny kind, the scary kind that make children cry.

I would've voted for Lincoln.

Theodore 'Teddy' Roosevelt

Holy Fucking Balls. Teddy was a man's man, he shot or killed with his bare hands at least one of each of God's creatures, including Spaniards. This was back when the Republican Party was progressive, a time when when it was okay for a big time Republican to take on large corporations and banks that profited from their own inequities that screwed the American people. A time when Republicans not only started conflicts, but actually fought in them! I'd like to see Dubyah or Cheney charge up San Juan hill.



Teddy fought for two things his whole life, first to keep Europe out of North and South America's affairs and second he was for every American getting a Square Deal. What was the Square Deal? That was making sure that businesses that refused to regulate themselves and screw the little guy were regulated or put out of business, it meant conservation, nature belongs to all Americans and should stay unspoiled as much as possible for all our benefit. Teddy was the first President to understand that businesses run only for profit and will not care about anyone or anything that gets in the way of their profit in a laissez faire capitalistic system, limits needed to be set and by gum he set them! If you didn't like them, he shot you in the fucking face!

Ronald Reagan

The Gipper, our grandfatherly, Grecian Formula 99 addicted humorous old President. While most of his social and domestic policies were laughable and he certainly let his Cabinet and advisor's get away with far too much there are two things that made him great.



First: Reagan almost singlehandedly dismantled Communism. How did he do that, who did we have to invade? Nobody. Reagan understood better than anyone that not talking to your enemies gave them no reason to like you. Reagan unconditionally sat down and had a good earnest talk with America's greatest enemies ever and lo and behold, THEY LIKED HIM! Then by extension they liked America, and then they signed treaties, opened markets and the dominoes kept tumbling until Germany was re-unified and the Iron Curtain rusted.

Compare that to Dubyah, Condi, Cheney's and Josh Boltons insistence that we never talk to enemies because it 'legitimizes' them, so what happened? At the beginning of Dubyah's first term North Korea had an agreement in place, Iran had a pro-American moderate President. Then all of the sudden they became the Axis of Evil, now Korea most likely has the bomb, Iran has a hard line President determined to have a nuclear reactor. Good going guys. Every true conservative knows that were Reagan alive today he'd punch George Dubyah Bush right in the mouth, he'd promptly forget why, but he'd still fucking do it.

Third, I mean Second: Reagan also saved the economy, even defeating Jimmy Carter's 'Stagflation' Monster single handedly! How did he do that? Fuck the deficit, if the government spends money, people go to work and get paychecks. The only difference between Reagan's economic plan and Obama's is that Reagan didn't call it a 'stimulus' he called it 'building weapons to scare that birthmark off of Gorbachev's head!'. Reagan poured money into defense creating MILLIONS of high paying, union, industrial jobs that jump started the economy and finally shook off the last of Carter's 'Wait it out malaise'. Obama is doing the same thing , except he's giving money mainly to banks, which as we've seen, is pointless. IF Republicans today were the party of Reagan they would have applauded the stimulus but insisted that more went to projects that rescue the working people, defense, infrastructure and manufacturing should have been the main thrust of the stimulus.

The Gipper knew that sometimes you have to spend money to make money.

Ron Paul

I wrote him in, you can't blame me. Ron Paul is an old-time Goldwater Republican, that is, the government should cut waste, lower taxes, not make any law that restricts freedom, get the government out of the job of trying to police morality and stop invading people damn it! How can you argue with him? Dr. Paul is ALWAYS right!



Let's take a look:

Ron Paul said that invading Iraq would be a financial logistical and military disaster, he said that when even DEMOCRATS were supporting the war, and he was right.

Ron Paul warned about the housing bubble and that when artificially high home prices collapsed so would the economy, he was right.

Ron Paul wondered out loud on the House floor why the Federal Government had ANYTHING to do with mortgages with Freddy Mac and Fannie Mae, he was right, we've now spent billions to fix them.

Ron Paul advised that the assault weapons ban would have no effect on gun crime, homicide, or crime in general, it didn't, he was right again.

Ron Paul warned that the Patriot Act would be used to erode American Citizens freedoms, it has , he was right.

Ron Paul warned that the 'surge' in Iraq was a false positive, that the reason violence was low was Dubyah's buying off of the Sunni tribes, he was right, Iraqi violence is rebounding since the Iraqi government has reneged on integrating the Sunni tribes into the army and security forces.

It must be frustrating as fuck to always be right and lose your Party's nomination because you think that things like the constitution, freedom and not wasting tax payers money is more important than gay marriage.


So that's my point. the New Republican Party's agenda is all about social issues. They want more laws that restrict what people do, the Republican Party has lost their roots as the 'Small Government' party and instead have become the Christian Right's water carrier and are more concerned with legislating morality instead of good old Republican Progressive governmental reform.

Conservatives need to roll up their sleeves and take the Republican Party back from the American Taliban in the Christian Right and the racist talk show hosts and get to work doing what Conservatives do best: Making government work better by keeping it out of citizens lives.