Shut Up Iris

I really do. Read my previous article on the sad state of American automotive affairs and you'll see I viciously singled out GM's bloated and totally gay product line. That article my friends, is what finally brought GM to it's knees. Now I don't hate GM. Buick is one of my favorite car brands, I love the new Lucerne and have owned a couple of Buicks including my all time indestructible Buick Somerset that I sold in 1995 for $500.00 with 280,000+ miles on it. However GM's record profits a few years ago spawned some of the worst cars ever, Michael Moore may be a big fat douchebag, but he was right about GM. If a fat dipshit like that could see the collapse of the American auto-industry twenty years ago, how could the people in charge of GM miss it? I honestly don't know and don't care. Chrysler and GM are dead, leaving only Ford among the Big Three still standing. I'm glad Chrysler is dead too, mainly because FIAT is buying their shit up and this will hopefully mean that we will get Alfa-Romeo in the US again.



If that happens, I will buy a Brera. I will. So, now that I've singlehandly destroyed GM, let's take a run at Ford. Ford, is also a company that I like. My work car is a Mercury Grand Marquis and I can say without fear of contradiction that is is the most comfortable vehicle to ram things in. It's cheap and easy to maintain, parts for it are everywhere and every mechanic in the world can fix a Ford. However I am pissed at Ford. Why, you ask? You're fucking nosy, you know that. If you must know, it's the Ford Focus RS:



What's wrong with it? Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing. It will monster any little rice buring fast-n-furious Mitsubishi Eclipse, Acura TL or any of those cherry bomb pipe, spoiler having Jap-cars that are so popular in the US. Wait, there is a problem with the Focus RS, WE CAN'T GET IT IN AMERICA. Why? Because Ford says that Americans won't buy and don't like small two door coupes. Really? Americans don't like them? Then somebody should tell Honda, Toyota and Mitsubishi and every other sushi smelling jap car company that sells TONS of little two door coupes to every redneck who's seen the fast-n-retardulous. Fuck you Ford. Ford is American, we should ALWAYS get the best Ford has to offer. Fuck you ford for this:



Look at the styling on the Focus RS, now look above at the styling on the Focus four door. Do you see it? This is the styling cue they used on the Focus four door:



Somehow Ford thinks that Americans hate small, aggressively styled performance coupes, but thinks that we instead want to ride around in our grandmothers head all day. Double fuck you Ford. It gets even worse when you see the four door sedan that Ford has been selling in Europe:



Fucking Ford! Ford has the capacity to make awesome looking cars that perform brilliantly and are reliable, and we never see them here in the US. They can even make a Fiesta in Europe that has such good gas mileage and produces so little carbon that it is exempt from emissions taxes! Why, why can't we just have the RS, or the Mondeo, why are we stuck with granny shit-face Focus and trucks and SUV's?? America LOVES cars. In closing I hope that Ford goes bankrupt as well, unless I get to buy a Focus RS. Dirty mother fuckers.