Shut Up Iris

I'm a big fan of Burn Notice on USA so I watch on Thursday nights sometimes I can stand 'In Plain Sight' and sometimes it's just dumb but I can't watch 'Royal Pains' and I will tell you why. The premise is pretty bad, but not without redeeming qualities. Two jewishy brothers one a doctor the other a pedophile go to the Hamptons after the doctor brother loses his hospital job for grafting the head of a rich white man on Rosie Greer's body. His 'bad boy' in a douchebag sort of way brother then 'helps' him set up a private discreet practice for rich white Hamptons honkies. So you see it's a pretty retarded premise, but retarded can be fun and extremely entertaining, see: anything with Bruce Campbell.



So as far as story Goes Royal Pains has potential. Dying rich white honkies, wise cracking jewish brothers, hip and hot Indian sidekick girl, fake bewbs, the possibilities are practically ten or perhaps twelve plots. Then it all goes wrong, and I think I know why. Actually I KNOW I know why because I'm smarter than anybody who has ever made or produced a TV series. Here is where it falls apart:



The brothers. The Doctor brother isn't really believable as a doctor, and the 'bad-boy' brother isn't bad, he's just creepy, creepy by hitting on anything in the show with tits and taking teen girls back to a hot tub and giving them a rash. I'm not kidding, that actually happened on the show. Neither of them are very funny, nor are they good intense actors. Every scene is either light hearted comedy or tense medical emergency and both of the brothers manage to convey 'meh' no matter what the scene calls for.

Having identified the causative organisms of the 'suck' I also can identify the solution to replace 'suck' with 'not-suck':



Sandy and Raymond Sklar...............wait, what.................I mean Randy and Jason Sklar. You want two jewishy brothers, one cerebral (Jason has glasses, and on TV glasses = smart/doctor)and the other a no rules plays loose and fast hip-hop bad-boy. They are perfect for the show. They easily showed their range on 'Cheap Seats' displaying a shocking ability to go from confused, to angry, to light hearted like it was a Method Actors Guild workshop.



Randy can even rock the 'evil twin' goatee as we can see above. I mean this is just so obvious, Royal Pains was MADE for the Sklar Brothers. They've been on Law & Order and have shown their main stream TV chops, lets do the right thing USA and save Royal Pains and the saviors are Randy and Jason. It's not like they are doing anything. Their website practically screams' homeless' and 'will overact for food'.

Come on USA network, you know I'm right.