Shut Up Iris

I found this article which supports nicely what I said in a previous blog post about the waste in the CIA and how much I hated it. So I was about to write an article lauding 'Veterans Today' and their adoption of my obviously enlightened stance on the CIA and how it should be abolished and the money used to build a super-robot President that we can just turn off when he says something stupid, but first I looked around their site.

I found stuff I agreed with: The USA shouldn't support our 'allies' that work against us (I'm still looking at you Israel) the CIA should be banned, let's not bomb Iran and lets get out of Iraq and Afghanistan. I then also noticed articles about world Zionist conspiracies, 9/11 and 'false flag' operations and John McCain=EVIL! I noticed that many of the views I hold are presented right alongside views that I consider the domain of crazy whack-jobs.

So I started thinking, am I a crazy whack-job? Is that how people see me??



So then I noticed I have guns, quite a few guns, one of them being an assault rifle. I also noticed that in my office are ten ammo cans and a quick guesstimate is that I've stock piled nearly three thousand rounds of ammunition. I go shooting fairly often, but not that fucking often. I also have a closet full of MRES, for camping, but fuck camping. Water purifiers a gas-mask and a uniform fit for a plucky 1940's British Commando, complete with beret. I own a fez with a Turkish Army General Staff badge on it and I get gun catalogs everyday, and some survival catalogs too.

Fuck, I may be a nutjob. I always thought maybe I was just more sensible than everyone else but maybe not, I could just be a bit off in my mind-tank.



Now I don't advocate overthrowing governments, I'm against that because being very lazy that shit sounds like a lot of work and I'm not wiling to do that. I don't think 9/11 was an inside job it was just a monumental fuck up by the Bush administration. I don't think the Jews that run Hollywood are out to get Oliver Stone, they probably just want to make movies. I've also said my peace about calling any politician 'evil', they are just politicians and just because they don't support what you support doesn't make them evil. Manipulative liars maybe, Evil? No.

So what do we take away from this?

First: Veterans Today is a great source for news and commentary not covered by 'mainstream' media. Second: they also are brave for allowing some nutjobs to articulate their nutjobbery. Third: If the Guv'mint gets on my lawn, they IS gettin shot! Fourth: No news source or blog should be judged by some 'fringe' thinkers and that we should applaud news sources that bring in those fringe ideas so that we can debate them as a society.

I would also like to point out that I filled in my census forms completely and mailed them back in plenty of time. Am I a whack-job? Maybe, but I think that might be okay.

I've read a few articles about this soccer World Cup thing, and seen part of a match or two while flipping past ESPN and here is the opinion I've formed of the entire thing. First: ESPN totally sucks unless it's Friday Night Fights or Pardon the Interruption. Wilbon is a Chicago guy and that's never bad and Kornheiser is a cranky old man with a short circuit between his mouth and his brain. Second: Soccer is still the gayest sport. Third: Soccer fans need to be rounded up and gassed.

Now some fans give me hope:


But most seem to be:


Now I've read some pundits go on and on about how the US of A needs to catch up with the rest of the world on this crazy soccer thing and that the US of A soccer team doing good will finally wake up the US of A to the greatness of soccer and all things soccer. I sure as hell hope not. We're already brain dead enough about politics up in this bitch to join in on the soccer-retardation that the rest of the world suffers from. Honestly invading a few countries for no reason does much less damage to the world than say the vuvuzela.

The vuvuzela is grounds for justifiable homicide. I can understand being a fan and wanting to make some noise for your team but the rest of the world is very bad at this. Normally I make it to about three or four Chicago Bulls games a year, and yes I shout and holler when a play is made, but here in the US, when your team is stinking up the joint or nothing is happening, we all stop the yelling. So far as I've seen soccer fans blow the vuvuzela no matter what, they blow it continuously. Why? I think it's because even soccer fans realize how pathetic and boring soccer is and how low they have become to travel to some arm-pit country in Africa to watch a game so what else can you do? The vuvuzela drowns out the sound of depression apparently.

The other thing I dislike is how hipsters here in the US of A have started calling soccer 'Football' or 'Futbol'. This is America damn it, it's 'soccer' 'football' is a sport with pads and hitting and professional dog-fighting.

On the scale of things that you have to be horribly depressed and/or retarded to like soccer ranks right up there with baseball. You know something isn't any real fun when it's only fun if you're wasted or have to distract yourself with a noise maker.

That is all.

As an American, I'm often struck by how far the United States will go to help and protect some allies and how little we are will do for others. I'm also struck by how few allies actually share any of America's basic interests or goals. Most of these are easy: Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Georgia..................all non-democratic states that we share very little in common with that we routinely pony up money and weapons for. You might notice that at least one of those states has a bad hobby of funding terrorists to kill Americans (I'm looking at you Saudi Arabia) however I digress. In light of recent events I decided to look into two of America's allies: The State of Israel and the Republic of Turkey.

First , which is the better bang for the buck?



Israel: A break down of direct aid to Israel compiled in 2008 the tally was 112 billion dollars and that is at a current rate of about 3 billion dollars per year. That is a lot of fucking money. What does it go for? Mainly it goes to keeping Israel a first world economy. Israel is the only nation in the world that has a first world economy and yet still receives foreign monetary aid.

What do we get for that? In the Cold War we had an ally against Soviet Communist encroachment in the Middle East. Egypt, Syria, Jordan, Iraq were all Soviet clients as Iran also became after the Islamic Revolution. Since the Cold War? I couldn't tell you. As far as I can rationally determine we've gotten no value for the aid since the end of the Cold War, Who knows, maybe it's a good idea to hedge our bets.



Turkey: Turkish aid was a bit harder to find. You'll see that the data only comes up to 1999 and totals about 17 billion, roughly 1 billion a year, so if we extrapolate we can estimate the total at about 30 billion in total. Holy shit, that is next to nothing compared to Israel, we can also note that very little of the aid is military aid.

Bang for buck? Turkey is a NATO ally, the second largest NATO ally in fact and we get all the military, intelligence and training benefits that entails. During the Cold War Turkey even hosted our mid and short range nukes. Turkey is a member of the Nuclear NPT pact and Turkey has had no fear of swinging it's big stick on our behalf in the Middle East.

For what we pay, that's a win for the Republic of Turkey

Next, As an ally, who gives us actual combat support?

Winner of the last category is up first:

Turkey: Turkey has sent boots on the ground to Korea during the Korean War and the Turkish Brigade is credited as having saved the 2nd US Army from annihilation by the Chines and North Koreans. Turkey as a NATO member maintains the NATO Rapid Deployment Force and Turkey even offered to send troops into Northern Iraq during the first and second Gulf Wars, during the First Gulf War the US was able to use Incerlik Air Base to fly combat missions and supplies into Iraq. However in the Second Gulf War Turkey refused to allow US or coalition troops to use the base unless Turkey was allowed to send troops into Northern Iraq, the US declined, not wanting to anger it's Kurdish allies in Iraq. However Turkey did reconcile with the US and sent ground forces to Afghanistan, which is fine, no Kurds there to upset.

So, good stuff there sort of a dick move in the second of the Gulf Wars but as bad as that has turned out who can blame them?

Israel: Israel cooperates in the US Military's research and development deploying many new and experimental weapon systems and helping to develop them. The port of Haifa in Israel is the main port of call for the US Navy's Mediterranean Sixth Fleet.

That's it. Israel has never allowed the US to ever use it's troops or air bases for any military operation. Fuck, that's 2-0 to Turkey so far.

Third, money, or who buys our shit?

Turkey is up first again: In percentage of trade Turkey imports 8.1% of all consumer goods from the United States and 10.2% of all of Turkey's exports are headed for the United States. Not bad, but not great, a bit of a trade deficit there. Turkey needs to buy more of our shit.

Israel: I wish I could say, but I can find no break down that gives us a total percent of Israeli and US import and export what I did find is that we currently have a trade deficit of 62.65 billion dollars with Israel.

That is a draw, they both want us to buy their shit but have a hard time letting us into their markets. Motherfuckers.

Now we delve into the negatives of both nations, how have our 'allies' hurt us?

First, spying, do our allies spy on us, oh yes they do!

Turkey:If anybody is listening to former FBI translator Sibel Edmonds than we know that the 9/11 terrorists that trained in Turkey were such an embarrassment that Turkey is doing all they can to cover it up. Turkish intelligence has allegedly infiltrated the FBI and the CIA to not only get information but to have the FBI and CIA 'lose' information that may damage Turkey in the eyes of the good ol' US of A. The main point of focus is apparently the ATC or American Turkish Council.

What happened to Sibel Edmonds for exposing both Pakistan and Turkey? She was fired. That is a BIG black mark for Turkey. Not cool guys, not fucking cool.

Israel: The number of Israeli spies that have been arrested and either convicted or expelled from the US is too large to recount here. More Israeli Mossad agents have been caught stealing military and government secrets from the US than all other nations combined including Soviet Russia. A good and detailed article is here.

You both lose. Assholes.

A biggie here, whose military has killed the most Americans?

Turkey: Zero. That's right, no American has been killed by the Turkish army that I can find. I researched this for about a week now and Americans killed in Turkey were the victims of Islamic terrorists that were also targeting the Turks. Good job, now how about you get your spying on us thing down to zero too?

Israel: Oh boy, this is another big number. When you consider that during the six day war Israel attacked and killed 33 American sailors aboard the USS Liberty (even after it was identified several times as American and was in international waters) wounding dozens of others and machine gunning the life boats, Israel isn't off to a good start. More Americans killed are detailed here.

Israel has committed more acts of war and killed more American citizens than Iran. Think about that for a moment.

That is big, BIG win for Turkey.

Finally, The swimsuit competition:



Prime Minister Erdogan. First of all, fantastic 1970's porn star mustache, truly, truly epically bad. I'll also point out he has very broad shoulders. He looks like he could kill an Armenian or two.



Prime Minister Netanyahu. What can I say that hasn't been said about all used car salesmen the world over? When you're sitting for an official picture as a head of state try not to smirk like a jackass.

The result? A big loss for both. Both Erdogan and Netanyahu don't qualify as 'eye candy' not even for the blind. You ugly sons of bitches!

The total result: Turkey 3 Israel 0

I hope that current events will make Americans think long and hard about who our 'friends' are and who deserve or help and support. Turkey deserves much better from the US of A than the shaft that we are giving them currently. We also need to stop writing blank checks for Israel and tell them that to stay our ally they have to start acting like a responsible citizen of the world.

That's all I have to say.

Now, I know that in the past I've been down on Ford, for not giving America their best products, GM for selling far too many pointless products and from all of that you may think that I don't buy American when comes to cars. You'd be wrong, asshole.

I love cars, and I've had tons of them. Here is a list of my cars, in order, that I can remember: Buick Somerset, Nissan Sentra GXE, Jaguar XJ6, Mazda 626, Porsche 944, Porsche 928, BMW 523i, BMW 635 CSI, BMW 735i,Jaguar XJS Classic Collection and Mercury Grand Marquis. The cars I had right now are the Jaguar XJS (v12 Coupe, for summer fun) and the Mercury Grand Marquis (work car/comfortable battering ram) I say had because I bought a new car, A 2008 Dodge Charger.

You can see that on my list are three American cars (the Nissan was built in Kentucky, and it sucked balls.) or four if you count that Mazda is owned by Ford. I've never shied away from American cars, I love them, when they make a good one which hardly ever happens. The Buick Somerset ran for 245,000 miles, the Nissan (as all Nissans do) sucked royally and the Mercury Grand Marquis was a giant living room on a soft, over comfortable suspension that rocked you gently to sleep as you plowed through an elementary school.

The Mercury Grand Marquis was starting to show it's fourteen years and as more and more parts fell off of it, I decided to buy a new car. That was six months ago, and that is when I began test driving new cars. I'll list the cars I test drove, that I can remember : Ford Taurus SHO, Ford Fusion, Buick Lucerne, BMW 325, BMW 535, Jaguar XF, Mazda 6i, Mazda 3, Chevrolet Impala and Dodge Charger. Mostly American Cars and here is what I learned:

The Ford Taurus SHO was far and away the best on that list, shocking. Of course is has a terrific new engine and the Ford Mondeo (see my earlier Ford post) AWD suspension. It also has everything. It is also HUGELY over priced for a four door sedan, as were the BMW's. The BMW's, sadly, were the same as every 80's and 90's BMW I have owned previously. They were superb handling with a quality interior but with regrettable styling, a huge price tag for no options and absolutely boring to drive. The Ford Fusion is garbage, my 94 Mercury Grand Marquis handled and accelerated better.

The Jaguar XF was beautiful, luxurious and balls to the wall fast, but started at $88,000.00. The Chevrolet Impala was bland and uninspired and my list quickly whittled to the Mazda 6 and 3 and the Dodge Charger.



The Mazda 3 was a laugh riot, it handled like an old Mini Cooper and was easy to grab by the scruff and throw around corners with wild abandon. Sadly it lacked room and comfort, which the Mazda 6i gladly stepped in to supply. Then something funny happened. I test drove my Dodge Charger, and fuck me, but Dodge has finally gotten back to making cars, apparently it only took bankruptcy and a collapsed auto market to convince them that it was time to build something that people could drive.



It was amazing to get into a car, made by a bankrupt company and all of the sudden discover they had made a gem. Honestly. First the Charger's styling is bold, but at the same time hearkens back to the old Chargers. No, not THAT one, good looking ones.



The new Charger is also rear wheel drive, you can get AWD, but rear wheel drive is what cars are mean to be. The Charger by far and away blew the Mazda 6i out of the water for handling, it also gives the Ford Taurus SHO and the BMW's a serious run for the money when it comes to performance and handling. The Charger also has all of the things you want in it, CD, ipod plug, power seats, some thing for bluetooth phones, uh, radio. It's comfortable with a capacious boot. It looks good drives good and is a bargain, I got mine for $10,000.00, that is like $28,000.00 less than the Taurus.



So there you have it, I come here not to bury Dodge, but to praise them, and to hope that their recent brush with bankruptcy and their bail out from FIAT will inspire a continued trend of frankly unexpected brilliance. The best thing is that the Chrysler 300 is practically the same car, so there TWO cars that Dodge/Chrysler did right.

Good job.

Well, now I hate Overstock.com, I bet none of you saw that coming. You didn't see that coming because none of you actually know me, or make any attempt to REALLY get to know me! However let's leave my psychological trauma aside while I spin a little yarn I call 'Overstock.com has issues with comprehension.'

Now, I have used Overstock.com several times and always it went like this: I plan something I want to buy, find it, confirm it is in stock and order it before 9 in the am. Overstock.com charges me, the order ships that afternoon and 2-3 days later I have the item or items. I have only once had to return something, it was pants, made by the chinese that they hilariously switched the waist size with the leg length, comedy ensued. On the return I read the overstock policy on returns, followed it to the letter and received a full refund. No sweat.



So anyhow last Friday at about 7:30 in the am I placed an order for some kitchen stuff in anticipation of Thanksgiving, a rotisserie, roasting pan and griddle. By Friday at 3 in the pm the griddle had shipped, what? The other items you may ask? Processing. Items that were supposedly in stock and ready for immediate delivery were doing something called processing. This meant that the roasting pan and rotisserie had no way in hell of reaching me before thanksgiving. So I pondered, what would one do?

I decided to cancel the order, so I read the Overstock.com cancellation policy and found that processed and shipped items could not be canceled, but that I could cancel items that had neither processed or shipped. 'Wonderful!' I thought 'My order status shows 'processing' so it is neither processed or shipped!', so I logged in but, uh, the 'cancel' check box that Overstock.com's return policy and instructions said to use was not on the two processing items. So what did I do? I made a huge mistake and contacted Overstock.com's customer service.



Fuck, talk about a lesson in retardedness. I carefully explained the issue to the customer service specialist and was told that 'Shipped items and orders sent to the warehouse could not be refunded.', so I copied and pasted the exact Overstock.com policy on cancellations that only mentioned 'processed' and 'shipped' orders. I then had it politely explained that 'processing'(what my order was doing) actually meant 'processed' and I could not cancel it.

Wait, what? Here let me explain how Overstock.com's cancellation policy works: Orders when placed, are immediately listed as 'processing', now you can cancel any order that has not processed or shipped, however please keep in mind that 'processing' in the mind of Overstock.com does not mean 'Processing-in the act of moving along in a process, what I would assume is preparing to ship the order' but ACTUALLY means 'Processed- finished, the process of shipping the order is done.'

So what happened to my order? Overstock.com assured me that they would try to cancel my 'processed' order, you know the order that was shown on their website as 'processing' and therefore according to their policy cancelable. So what happened? Friday Saturday and Sunday - no cancellation, order still 'processing' according to Overstock.com. Monday morning, I contacted them again, and was given the same routine, by Monday night? Still processing. Tuesday morning? Shipped.

So, the Overstock.com order progression goes: processing, shipped. At no time was the order shown as processed. Now you may have noticed that this directly contradicts their stated policy , well, according to Overstock.com it doesn't. Here is how it was explained to me: Overstock.com can cancel any order that has not been processed or shipped, by processed the explicitly mean 'sent to the warehouse for fulfillment' and that on your 'my orders' page 'processing' means 'processed-sent to warehouse for fulfillment' which they then apologized for it being so confusing, and of course they made no apology that they have in fact designed their system so that orders may only be canceled immediately after the order is placed, my order was doomed because I had waited to see if it would ship.

There are several lessons here.

First: In stock items that are ready to ship at Overstock.com, may or may not ship. Which really isn't a problem, except-

Second: Overstock.com has written a purposefully confusing cancellation policy, so much so that their customer service reps actually feel the need to apologize for it.

Third: Overstock.com has set up the 'order status' on the Order Information page to purposefully confuse the order process or in this case the order processing, I believe it is designed to create that few hours of hesitation that makes it impossible to cancel your order.

Fourth: Even when giving them FOUR DAYS for a 'Customer Care' specialist to cancel your order, they still will not do it, but they will e-mail you an apology, apologizing for their 'confusing shipping status' and convoluted cancellation policy.

Fifth: I will never use Overstock.com again.

Maybe I'm overreacting? Should a company be held to it's own stated policies? Should Overstock.com be forgiven for their inability comprehend their policy and order status? I mean they did created the process, oops, I mean they did create the processing so why shouldn't they be able to interpret it any way they like?

Well, they can, but fuck them I have the right to call them on their bullshit and not shop there ever again, and I hope someone reading this will learn something.