Shut Up Iris

What?



I've been watching football for some time now. I've always been a Redskins fan, you may noticed from previous bloggings. Yet lately I get asked 'Are you a Tim Tebow fan?'. I always have the same answer: 'I am a Washington Redskins fan, the Denver Broncos aren't even in my division, I am indifferent to them unless they are for some reason playing the Redskins.'

The inevitable follow up comment is; 'Oh, you hate Tim Tebow just like everyone else.'

I don't know what any of this means? Why should I be a fan of players that do nothing for my team? Why do I have to hate Tim Tebow if I'm indifferent to his team? I have never been asked if I am a Ben Roethlisberger fan or a Tom Brady Fan, or even if I'm a Rex Grossman fan? Rex Grossman IS the quarterback for my Redskins, why do people not ask me about him?



Why would anyone ask me about Tebow? I live next to Chicago where the standard is Bears fans or Colt fans and yet even people in and around Chicago who should assume that I am a Bears or Colts fan still ask me 'Are you a Tim Tebow fan?'. Why does it matter? So for anyone asking, suck on this:




Oh, and when you type Roethlisberger Firefox auto correct wants you to use: Spitsbergen.

I don't know, but don't ask the NFL and it's employees because they don't know either. Now, first off the NFL is a trust. That is it is a group of businesses that act in concert to control their industry to set prices, wages and collectively bargain for various deals in the case of the NFL that mainly means television rights. The only reason the NFL can operate it's monopoly/trust is because of the agreement with the players union and the guv'mints turning a blind eye to the trust as it also does with Baseball and Basketball.



Of course that is gone since the collective agreement expired and is the basis for the Tom Brady lawsuit (brought solely by that douchebag Tom Brady because the Patriots are asses!*) that the NFL cannot collectively shut it's doors as doing so would be acting as a trust, yadda,yadda, yadda, monopoly, yadda,yadda, union desertification. All of this is as maybe. I'm a huge Redskins fan and a big football fan but if the season doesn't start on time? Fuck the NFL that's what. When baseball went on strike? I never watched it again. When Hockey went on strike? I never watched it again. Now it is the NFL's turn and I'll tell you why I will never watch it again.



How do you share 8 BILLION dollars? How about fifty-fifty? That's what the Players Union** proposed , which is magnanimous considering the old deal that the owners hated gave the players fifty two percent of NFL revenues. Why did that offer fail? Well the owners responded "Okay 50-50 it is EXCEPT that any revenues over projected revenues goes directly into our pockets." which as you can see, isn't exactly fifty-fifty. If revenues are under projections do the owners have to pay the players? It 's a dumb suggestion. Now I know what you are going to say "If the players don't like it, they can go work for someone else." except they really can't. The NFL is a trust and if you don't like your team/boss you can't sign anywhere else. Even if you go to Canada or the UFL you end up paying the NFL and that isn't going to change because the NFL is a litigious motherfucker with more money than Canada much less the CFL. So, if you are an NFL player and the NFL won't let you play, or your team won't let you play then you're fucked. It's time to fall back on that 'Communications' Degree. So, fuck the NFL.



Now before you say "You player loving, union hugging, commie subversive, pinko, Obama shorts liberal!" let me just say fuck the players too. In a calculated ploy they legally de-certified the union which let that ass Tom Brady* file his lawsuit. This move is probably as illegal as the NFL trust and simply makes the players look like cry baby millionaires. Which they totally are. The players main complaints? Rookies are being paid too much: they were being paid inline with your unions agreement, how come you complain now? Retired Players have no safety net: Really? Someone making on average three million dollars for a couple of years work needs a safety net for retirement? Go fuck yourself. Maybe the old-timey players that worked summers as roofers or in a car wash deserved a nice retirement cut but none of you current fuckos do. Save you money and invest. Either that, or take up bull-riding.



Or boxing.



Billionaires vs. Millionaires, I'm not siding with either one I don't make anywhere near either of them and to be honest if I had NFL talent I'd sign for three years and then laugh all the way to retirement riding a wave of dividend stocks , hedge funds and tax free trusts. So sack up and get a deal done before the season is impacted.


* Actually it is the Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, and Drew Brees and five other schmoes anti-trust suit. Tom Brady is listed first because of the alphabet and because everyone in the football media hates him. I personally rank him as #3 quarterback ever, behind #2 Terry Bradshaw and #1 Joe 'Cool', if Brady wins another ring..............we'll see.

** The union as I mention later technically no longer exists.

Yes, I am a Washington Redskins fan. Raised in Chicagoland during the Bears sucky years before and after the 1985 Superbowl season, it was Washington that often played on TV when the Bears were blacked out, and then in three terrific Superbowls. Players like Doug Williams, John 'Diesel' Riggins (you loveable drunk you) Art Monk, Earnest Bynar, Russ Grimm (and all the Hogs!) and of course the Chief himself, Joe Gibbs. Not only is the name 'Redskins' hilariously racist, the 'Skins have a proud tradition of winning, and playing hard and gritty football. While many Washington fans are always down on Clinton Portis, mainly for his injuries, I believe that he deserves respect and has many qualities that I personally admire.



First Clinton Portis is dedicated. In an age where many high paid players refuse certain roles, show up late for practice, camp, refinishing Coach Shananigan's deck, Clinton Portis is a team player. He is a throwback to when running backs didn't just carry the ball, they blocked and worked out of the back field as a receiver and he doesn't complain about any of those things. Better yet, he excels at all of them. He can run up the middle or slash out towards the sidelines. He can catch and run behind a screen or go deep or run a crossing route. He also gladly sacrifices his increasingly brittle body to block for the increasing number of pointless Redskins quarterbacks. There are so many teams that require a personnel change depending on what play they call and what role the running back needs to play. How many high paid running backs do we see that won't or simply can't block? How many teams are hampered by the fact that opposing defenses know that a running play isn't coming because they've just subbed in the 'receiving' running back. It's increasingly rare for a running back to do everything that is asked of him, and even rarer yet to have one that is good at all of it.



Second, Clinton Portis is fun. Off the field Portis's antics are fun, and he has fun. He's not out raping college chicks in bathroom stalls, or dog fighting, or endlessly riding around on a lawn mower, he does what we all would do were we rich. He goes out, dresses up and has a blast. It's always interesting to see a player in the NFL that finds ways to liven things up without getting arrested for drunk driving or hit and run. Sure his 'fun' side is laced heavily with 'crazy' but it's not the 'go with your friends on a drive by' type of crazy, it's the 'put on the funny teeth and act like a fool ' crazy. He doesn't always pull it off, but at least he tries.



Good old Clinton Portis, he's as cool as he is dedicated. What do I mean by cool? Have you ever seen or heard Clinton fly off the handle at a reporter? Never has he shouted or berated anyone at a press conference, no matter how inane the questions are. Like Doug Williams (remember the 'how long have you been a black quarterback' incident?) Clinton can't lose his cool. Even on the field, he runs angry, but he's all cool as soon as the whistle blows. Some people say he's too detached. Although if you're saying that you're probably some cracker-ass honky that just don't know what cool is. Clinton has cool, baby.



Finally the man has PRIDE. Shocking I know. He is one of the few players on the 'Skins that takes every set back personally and redoubles his efforts to lift his team. The three seasons that Clinton has been injured and out, it's been entirely because he came back too early to try and play. This season is a prime example. After missing three games with what should have been a season ending 'groin separation' he came back. Why? Pride. The 'Skins needed a running back and Clinton would be damned if serious pain would hold him back. So he came back, ran brilliantly, plastered a couple of defensive backs that tried to sack McNabb, and you guessed it, injured himself again and even worse. So for you Redskin 'fans' that say 'He's too injury prone' let's remember he is one of the few Redskins that will put his body on the line so that YOUR team can have a fighting chance.

So, in closing, here is to you Clinton Portis. You've been patient with douchebag fans, idiot coaches and a team owner with more money than sense and you've played damn good football with tenacity, pride and good sprinkling of crazy, balls, and of course pride. I for one, will miss you when you do retire. I also hope that retirement isn't soon. We need you, look at Ladian Tomlinson: take your time, get better and get back to us when your groincological region isn't separated.

Oh and Kyle Shanahan can't Offensive Coordinate his way out of a wet paper bag, if it wasn't for his dad being a head coach, he wouldn't have a job

I've read a few articles about this soccer World Cup thing, and seen part of a match or two while flipping past ESPN and here is the opinion I've formed of the entire thing. First: ESPN totally sucks unless it's Friday Night Fights or Pardon the Interruption. Wilbon is a Chicago guy and that's never bad and Kornheiser is a cranky old man with a short circuit between his mouth and his brain. Second: Soccer is still the gayest sport. Third: Soccer fans need to be rounded up and gassed.

Now some fans give me hope:


But most seem to be:


Now I've read some pundits go on and on about how the US of A needs to catch up with the rest of the world on this crazy soccer thing and that the US of A soccer team doing good will finally wake up the US of A to the greatness of soccer and all things soccer. I sure as hell hope not. We're already brain dead enough about politics up in this bitch to join in on the soccer-retardation that the rest of the world suffers from. Honestly invading a few countries for no reason does much less damage to the world than say the vuvuzela.

The vuvuzela is grounds for justifiable homicide. I can understand being a fan and wanting to make some noise for your team but the rest of the world is very bad at this. Normally I make it to about three or four Chicago Bulls games a year, and yes I shout and holler when a play is made, but here in the US, when your team is stinking up the joint or nothing is happening, we all stop the yelling. So far as I've seen soccer fans blow the vuvuzela no matter what, they blow it continuously. Why? I think it's because even soccer fans realize how pathetic and boring soccer is and how low they have become to travel to some arm-pit country in Africa to watch a game so what else can you do? The vuvuzela drowns out the sound of depression apparently.

The other thing I dislike is how hipsters here in the US of A have started calling soccer 'Football' or 'Futbol'. This is America damn it, it's 'soccer' 'football' is a sport with pads and hitting and professional dog-fighting.

On the scale of things that you have to be horribly depressed and/or retarded to like soccer ranks right up there with baseball. You know something isn't any real fun when it's only fun if you're wasted or have to distract yourself with a noise maker.

That is all.

Christianity, the official version, is based on the life of one Jesus Lamar Christ who was the Son of God and who supposedly proved it by performing miracles over two thousand years ago. Let's overlook that the Bible is the only account of the time that mentions Jesus and his miraculous doings, let's overlook the out and out inaccuracies in the Bible or the ways in which it defies logic and actual reality and let's focus on something more current and more stupider.

Torture. There, I said it, I'd say it again if I had to. Jesus was tortured by the Romans before being horribly executed, totally unfairly according to Christians. Jesus was tortured so bad that most Christians today still hold a grudge against the Jews for the Romans torturing of Christ. What? Never mind, now you'd think that a religion founded by their leader being tortured and crucified would be extra sensitive about things like torture and crucification.



You'd think, but no. Even though Jesus made water into wine, brought people back from the dead and invented a very comfy form of sandal this is the image that most Christians have of Jesus:



Yes folks Jesus' final trick before leaving The Sands Hotel in Vegas was DYING FOR OUR SINS! So let's commemorate it by taking every opportunity to make a depiction of this gentle man's horrible, horrible death! There is something wrong about that. Very deeply psychologically wrong.

This isn't even the bad part, it gets worse. Jesus said love thy neighbor, love thy enemy as you love thyself, turn the other cheek, yadda-yadda-yadda, shut the fuck up Jesus, we're Christians and we KNOW what you meant better than you do. 'What?' you may be asking take a look here at this poll. That can't be right, no? Look at what happened when a Christian disagrees with torture. Holy Jesus Shit. For some, unknown reason Evangelical Christians overwhelmingly believe in and fully support torture. This level of hypocrisy hasn't been attempted since Pastor Ted Haggard snorted coke off the ass of a male prostitute before engaging in homosexual sex.



The level of mind numbing, self deluding hypocrisy it takes to be a follower of the 'Prince of Peace' and condone torture is beyond calculation. This level of hypocrisy should have only one reaction from normal rational human beings and that is: Complete and utter hatred.

That's how I feel, I hate Christians, Christians can go fuck themselves, they have no concept of J.J. Christ and his teachings and have no concept of humanity or compassion.

Faith is willful ignorance, and Christians get the gold.